Yesterday afternoon a strange event occurred in the Tysons Galleria shopping center. According to police sources, a 49-year-old woman, who responds to the acronym E.L.R, forced to evacuate the compound after defecate and ended up poisoning hundreds of people.

 It was around six in the afternoon, when several customers who were shopping, gave the distress voice activating all the fire alarms due to a strange smell of unknown origin. As a result of the bewilderment of not knowing what was happening, people began to flee in terror without any logical sense, “It was a complete chaos,” said a witness. Even a confused lady jumped into the void from the third floor, breaking 4 nails and the spinal cord.

After endless calls to the police and firefighters, they agreed to go to the rescue and put aside the match between The Nationals of Washington and The Brewers of Milwaukee, which was 3-3 with a great match from Juan Soto. Upon arrival there, the agents realized the seriousness of the matter, dozens of people passed out all over the shopping center, and others were affected by putrefied gas poisoning.

 Unfortunately, neither the firemen nor the policemen had the necessary equipment to access the shopping center, so they had to call the army to come with their suits specialized in nuclear, biological or chemical attacks. A firefighter explained in tears for the CNN channel, the characteristics of the impressive and lethal fetid smell, that almost ended his life.

75 soldiers and 2 corporals entered the compound to remove all the bodies of the victims while the sergeants and captains controlled from outside eating sunflower seeds. “I could see about 150 unconscious people and in the middle a woman defecating while crying inconsolably,” said soldier Sarah Wilber.

In less than an hour, all the victims were in the waiting rooms of the different hospitals in the area, where they spent the whole night waiting until being treated.

Everybody evolved favorably, except the guilty one, who was admitted with chronic Hamilton diarrhea. Her condition is critical, and according to the medical report, she will be admitted for the next few weeks to be subjected to the pertinent studies, in order to try to guess the reason for her high toxicity in her excrement.

The lady confessed to the authorities that she had previously eaten 4 cans of bean stew, and she suspects that was the reason, something still to be proved.